Juz Relax d0t N3t

After our new neighbors moved in, our garbage was knocked over in the mornings by their big black dog.   I’d often try to shoo him away, but he’d only snarl at me.  In exasperation, I went to my neighbor’s to complain.

“Thank you for telling me,” said the woman who opened the door. “We noticed he had bad breath, but we didn’t know where he was getting it.”

Identical twins, dressed exactly the same, stopped in a bar for a drink. A man staggered past them, stopped to look at them in puzzlement, then ordered another drink.

Finally one of the twins laughed and said, “Don’t let it upset you, old man; we’re really not in such bad shape. We’re the twins”.

The drunk took another look and said, “All four of you?”

A little boy wanted $100 very badly; his mother told him to pray to GOD for it. He prayed for two weeks not nothing turned up. Then he decided perhaps he should write GOD a letter requesting the $100. When the post office received the letter addressed to GOD, they opened it and decided to send it to the President. The President was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the boy $5. He thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5 and sat down to write a thank-you letter, which read as follows:
“Dear God,
Thank you very much for sending me the money. I noticed that you had to send it through Washington, as usual, those thieving bastards deducted $95 for taxes