Juz Relax d0t N3t

A little boy wanted $100 very badly; his mother told him to pray to GOD for it. He prayed for two weeks not nothing turned up. Then he decided perhaps he should write GOD a letter requesting the $100. When the post office received the letter addressed to GOD, they opened it and decided to send it to the President. The President was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the boy $5. He thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5 and sat down to write a thank-you letter, which read as follows:
“Dear God,
Thank you very much for sending me the money. I noticed that you had to send it through Washington, as usual, those thieving bastards deducted $95 for taxes

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
“Why are you eating grass?”, he asked one man.
“We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied.
“Oh, come along with me then.”
“But sir, I have a wife with two children!”
“Bring them along! And you, come with us too!”, he said to the other man.
“But sir, I have a wife with six children!” the second man answered.
“Bring them as well!”
They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”
The lawyer replied, “No problem, the grass at my home is about two feet tall.”

A family was enjoying a meal in a quiet restaurant. but the little boy couldn’t finish his steak. So the father called the waiter over and asked for a box to take the remnant of the steak “home to the dog”.

The little boy jumped out of his chair, very excited, and said, “Oh by! Does this mean we’re going to get a puppy?”

A man was bragging to his friends about how his sister disguised
herself as a man and was able to join the army.

“But, wait a minute,” said one listener, “She’ll have to dress
with the boys and shower with them too.  Won’t she?”

“Sure,” replied the man.

“Well, won’t they find out?”

The man shrugged, “But who’ll tell?”

A snail got mugged by two tortoises. When he went to the police, they questioned him as to what happened.

He said, “I don’t know, it all happened so fast!”

Little Johnny’s kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 Most Wanted men.
One of the kids pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.