Juz Relax d0t N3t

After our new neighbors moved in, our garbage was knocked over in the mornings by their big black dog.   I’d often try to shoo him away, but he’d only snarl at me.  In exasperation, I went to my neighbor’s to complain.

“Thank you for telling me,” said the woman who opened the door. “We noticed he had bad breath, but we didn’t know where he was getting it.”

Identical twins, dressed exactly the same, stopped in a bar for a drink. A man staggered past them, stopped to look at them in puzzlement, then ordered another drink.

Finally one of the twins laughed and said, “Don’t let it upset you, old man; we’re really not in such bad shape. We’re the twins”.

The drunk took another look and said, “All four of you?”

A little boy wanted $100 very badly; his mother told him to pray to GOD for it. He prayed for two weeks not nothing turned up. Then he decided perhaps he should write GOD a letter requesting the $100. When the post office received the letter addressed to GOD, they opened it and decided to send it to the President. The President was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to send the boy $5. He thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5 and sat down to write a thank-you letter, which read as follows:
“Dear God,
Thank you very much for sending me the money. I noticed that you had to send it through Washington, as usual, those thieving bastards deducted $95 for taxes

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
“Why are you eating grass?”, he asked one man.
“We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied.
“Oh, come along with me then.”
“But sir, I have a wife with two children!”
“Bring them along! And you, come with us too!”, he said to the other man.
“But sir, I have a wife with six children!” the second man answered.
“Bring them as well!”
They all climbed into the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says, “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”
The lawyer replied, “No problem, the grass at my home is about two feet tall.”