Juz Relax d0t N3t

A beautiful young blonde woman boards a plane to New York with a ticket for the economy section. She looks at the seats in economy and then looks into the forward cabin at the first-class seats. Seeing that the first-class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty one. The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in economy. The blonde replies, “I’m young, blonde and beautiful, and I’m going to sit here all the way to New York.” Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the blonde problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in economy.
Again, the blonde replies, “I’m young, blonde and beautiful, and I’m going to sit here all the way to New York.” The captain doesn’t want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blonde problem with the co-pilot. The co-pilot says that he has a blonde girlfriend, and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and briefly whispers something in the blonde’s ear. She immediately gets up, says “Thank you so much,” hugs the co-pilot, and rushes back to her seat in the economy section. The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, together ask the co-pilot what he had said to the woman. He replies, “I just told her that the first class section isn’t going to New York.

A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be executed.

“Yes,” replied the murderer. “Will you hold my hand?”

Father: (at hospital looking through glass at newly arrived babies)
“Kitchy kitchy koo. Look, she smiled…isn’t she adorable?”
Friend: “But your kid didn’t smile.”
Father: “I was talking about the nurse.”
Friend: ??? !!!

A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on the average only 15,000 words a day, whereas women use 30,000 words a day.

She thought about this for a while and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.

He said, “What?”